Random thoughts


Read part of a steamy sexy romantic short story from Christmas With A Vampire this morning with breakfast: The Vampire Who Stole Christmas.  LOL, I know, how Christmassy!  But you know, with the classical vampire imagery (as in NOT the real life vampire wannabes), there’s a number of undeniably attractive atributes: the first is seduction, the second is that concept of eternal youth and beauty beneath the romantic moonlight (definitely something to be said for that now that I’m feeling my age), the third is the kind of romantic tragedy (there’s always one of those in these tales) that you just want to embrace him, and last, but far from least, is the potent raw sexuality.  Ahem.  Yeah, there was SOME of that in what I was reading.

Hey, I don’t want to hear it.  This is as close to the real thing as I’m likely to get.  My sweet adorable hubby who spoils me rotten and would give me anything I asked for within his power will never give me THAT because it’s not within his power.  He’s completely assexual.

Anyway, I have this basically unmet need of staying in touch with feelings steamy and romantic so my retreats are books… reading them, writing them.  Yes, I am an escapist extraordinair.

I’m working on a time-travel romance called Stepping Back all about having do-overs to get things right and the requisite love and passion to make it so.  I need to keep up my steam quotient to get through it you see. 

So I’m just humming with the steamy vibrations pouring off the vampire story sure as a tuning fork picks up resonant frequencies and suddenly in the next room, our repair shop here, the hubby turns on some noisey machinery and starts talking to himself in a variety of cartoon character voices. 

This is normal for him.  He’s a very funny good natured guy my hubby.  Usually it makes me smile if not laugh outright.  This time it was a mood killer, something about it slamming home to me that I will NEVER have steamy romance in my life with him and nothing I do can change that.  Trust me, I’ve tried everything.  Frustrated, I was instantly angry.

Hubby’s my best friend though.  We’re like beloved pets to one another as well as being normally cheerful room mates, no rancor allowed within the walls of our home or work place, and he’s incredibly sensitive to my moods.  Though I hadn’t said a thing to him, or even made a sound, he popped his head out the door of the repair room a second later and asked, “Did I do something to make you angry at me?”

I wanted to deny it but when he came right over to my desk and repeated the question, all I could do was blurt, “Yes, as a matter of fact you did… but it’s nothing personal.”  And I carefully explained all of the above to him as if it could possibly make any sense to him or anyone. 

He said, “Oh,” and walked off again. 

His assexuality is not his problem so he sure won’t do anything about it.  That problem is all mine.  I’m the one with hyperactive libedo feeling cheated by a sexless marriage. What am I going to do about it?

He spent the next hour being carefully quiet and then comes and suggests going dancing this weekend (to The Big Dog Revue at Big Daddy’s in Woodinville – YAY!) and maybe taking some more ball room dance classes. 

I’m such a sucker for anything to do with dancing.  *SIGH*

Now if I could just keep my muse from crashing pell mell into solid brick walls.  She’s looking like a dizzy little Tink right now…

I need to pick her up and dust her off again… dust that pixie dust right down onto my keyboard where it can do some good.

Meh.

Yesterday I was reading some Lillith legends… 

To the early Hebrews, she was a shem, the storm demon that was originally Adam’s first wife but began quarrelling with him from the get go, objecting not only to his bossing her around but also to his being on top all the time when they had sex.  She wanted her turn on top too and he informed her that her place would always be beneath him, which pissed her off and she flew off in a huff.

Angels were sent after her to bring her back.  They were told that either she came back peacefully and behaved like a proper subordinate or she could stay on her own as she pleased but would be responsible for killing off any offspring she might later bare.  Apparently, her lifeforce was no good for continuation unless it was the personal property of Adam.  She told the angels to leave her alone because she was not going back.  About the killing of babies god required of her in exchange for her freedom, she said fine, but she wouldn’t kill any that wore a certain talisman/amulet, this much was allowed her, and so the deal was struck.

So Adam got Eve in Lillith’s place but lost eternal life (this is their legend, not mine) because Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of Knowlege of Good and Evil and Lillith didn’t.  The gods hid from Adam and Eve the Tree of Life after that for fear they’d then have eternal life… as, interestingly enough, Lillith had in their stead.

The Summerian legends from which most of the Genesis stories are derived (stories Abraham was brought up with, considered history by his people) had a different legend of Lillith. 

They said she was born in the eruption of a Mount Atlan (sounds like Atlantis doesn’t it?) that destroyed life in great ugly swaths of earth blood (lava) and ashes.  She wept so much at this devastation that her tears formed twin rivers flowing to the sea and gardens sprang up around them, soon filled with animals and people, and became a beautiful happy paradise.

A great prince from a distant land heard of the wonders of Lillith’s gardens and came to see for himself and fell in love with Lillith but the feeling wasn’t mutual.  When he begged her to be his wife, she gave him a flat “No” and when he pursued her, she changed into a bird and flew away.  He kept pursuing though and tried to impress her by slaying two lions in the garden.  She was disgusted with him for that and wept on the manes of the slain lions, bringing them back to life and they became her lifelong companions.  When still he pursued, she ran off and mated with a snake producing an 8-armed monster which became her staunch defender.  The prince was unable to beat it, but it couldn’t beat him either, meanwhile Lillith kept producing more of its kind to keep the prince at bay.  He was just so stalkerish!

Finally one day, tired off having to continually fight off her stalker, Lillith decided to hold a great feast and made it open invitation to anyone who wanted to come.  As she knew he would, the prince came disquised as a woman and, much to his surprise, was warmly greeted by Lillith in this guise.  She asked him to choose from the young men present not saying what for and politely the prince chose one and was seated next to him.  Next Lillith showered him with many fine gifts.

Finally, flattered, the prince asked why he was meriting all this special treatment and asked if she feted all complete strangers with such gifts.  She smiled and said, “Only newly married people,” and he realized he’d just been married to the young man he’d so unknowingly picked.  Furiously, he trew off his feminine costume and demanded to know why she’d forced him to marry a man and she laughed and said, “Because I will NEVER marry you.”  Then, feeling sorry for him, added, “But I will bestow on you one kiss.”

So she kissed him and the text goes on to say that he was filled with life and then with death and Lillith knew then why she could never marry any human.  She was too much for any man to survive.

Hah!  I like the Summerian legend the best.   How about you?

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About Ampbreia

I'm an ex-Pentacostal, ex-Muslim, ecclectic Agnostic with slightly Wiccan leanings. I am not affiliated with any organized religion or political platform, but I do believe in magic and all things wise and wonderful. I work as an admin in a calibration lab. I've published 2 books so far this year: Lost in Foreign Passions: Love and betrayal, passion and loss in the heart of an alien land (a memoir of my time as a Muslimah and living in Iran for a year), written under my previous married name, Debra Kamza, and Dream Lover (a paranormal romance, the tale of witch that summons her favorite character out of a Bewitched spin-off and the actor who plays him as well). I'm constantly writing stories and poems, thoughts and dreams, and quite a few opinions - many of which are not popular but oh well. Bite me. I'm interested in art, animals, the paranormal, and people. I love to dance, all sorts, but have been studying belly dance since 2006 and LOVE it! I love anime too and love dressing up and going to conventions. My writing runs the gummut of historical, science fiction, fantasy, romance, and erotica. Beware: I may not be safe reading for work. Just saying....
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