Gee…


I’ve been working on Stepping Back, Moira giving birth to twins with her mother, husband, and their two bff grandmothers, Marie and Evangeline attending.  But unbeknownst her, the latter two had just died together.  They don’t look like ghosts to her, though.  Nor is their attendance at all surprising.  They’d planned on being there.  They couch her through the difficult labor and though she loses a lot of blood, she survives and so do the twins.  Just before the end of it, she notices Marie and Evangeline are no longer there.  Then everything fades to black as she loses consciousness due to the blood loss.

Meh.  I wondered if this ever really happened to anyone.  Guess I’m buying into my own fiction because there’s something that feels oddly real about it and SHOULDN’T.  So I googled various ghost stories online and found it does happen sometimes… but what happens most often is that spirits tend to be attracted toward pregnant women and it makes sense on a number of levels. 

Though some seem to enter early on, at least briefly, souls don’t tend to enter their new body until after it’s born… sometimes before but don’t prefer this.  It’s claustrophobic and uncomfortable and the contractions HURT.  Sometimes the new soul will grab and guard the new body by go in and out regularly for the first few months or even years before settling fully in.  These children will be more psychic than most because they are most reluctant to shed their spirit ties.

Then too, though some new bodies may be pre-claimed (often by a former family member), others are for some reason up for grabs and there are some souls so eager to be reborn that they won’t wait for optimum circumstances or for their own family to produce a body.  They’ll just grab whatever’s available.  The competition may explain why some even enter during labor as well as why pregnant women attract spirits. 

Another reason may simply be that a woman’s senses are more accute while she’s pregnant, including her 6th sense, so spirits eager to communicate or even simply be seen from this world due to their incompletely severed ties, will hang around her for the chance… or just to watch out for her baby.  I know that if it’s the later case, the parents will notice unexpected floral scents around the house that come and go without physical reason.

So meanwhile, while I’m wandering off on that particular tangent, I find this statement from a born psychic quoted HERE“If I see blue around somebody’s aura I know they are very much in need of healing. If somebody has come for a reading and they’ve lost a child, you’re going to see blues and also pink, which means they’re in need of love.”  It stopped me in my tracks with a big ‘Hey wait a minute.’ 

I had an aura picture taken when Jeb and I went to the Concious Life Expo last month:  

It was heavy on the blues and pink but also had yellow and some green on my one arm where I’d been holding Jeb’s arm, which makes me think its from him.  He comes from a family of doctors so is probably a natural healer as I’ve experienced from him in fact and everyone knows that green is a healing color.  But the pink and the blue?  The man who took the picture as well as various online sources, said the blues indicated psychic abilities, third eye being open and all that, and the pink meant sensuality and a loving disposition.  The yellow meant fun loving, sunny, and playful.  All very cool. 

But this new explanation?  I don’t like being vulnerable – its cost me too much in the past – and that sounds vulnerable!  GAH!

I should explain that yes, I have lost a child.  My first born son was stolen from me by his Iranian father when he was 10 months old.  The first I heard from him again was when he was 19 years old, already grown up, and a stranger I’ve found hard to know.  We’ve not met in person – only online.  But I’ve learned to live with it and have had other children and know I can’t undo the years that have passed or what happened.  It’s gone and there’s no getting around it.  I’ll never get my first baby back but I don’t think I’m emo about it.

As to the rest… humph.  I have felt a bit left out in the cold lately.  I’ve had an office of my own for the past 10 years or so but always stayed in touch with friends online so I didn’t feel too alone.  I mean, yeah, I work with my husband; he’s in the lab just next door and comes to say “hi” and eats lunch with me, but it’s good to have friends and confidents besides.  In the last few months, suddenly theres’ hardly any and I’ll admit to feeling more unloved than usualy.  Not that I actually AM… I think… Jeb spoils me rotten so I’m pretty sure he must love me.  He says so often enough but suddenly I have no other friends and certainly no romance.  That didn’t come with marriage.  We’re best friends though.  Nevertheless, I guess I’m still a bit lonely.  I hate that.

Erg.  I should just stop and get back to my story.  Just a little bugged is all.

Last night the rain blew so hard and heavy against the house and windows of a sudden that it woke me up so fast I was still dreaming a full moment later – which is odd in its own right.  Usually waking up fast means an abrupt end to dreaming.  It was weird.  The sound was like wind and rain whipping around a hanging plastic tarp so, just for a moment, I visualized it hanging from the ceiling being blown around.  Then I woke the rest of the way and it faded out.

Anyway, time to go home.  I’m so relieved!

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About Ampbreia

I'm an ex-Pentacostal, ex-Muslim, ecclectic Agnostic with slightly Wiccan leanings. I am not affiliated with any organized religion or political platform, but I do believe in magic and all things wise and wonderful. I work as an admin in a calibration lab. I've published 2 books so far this year: Lost in Foreign Passions: Love and betrayal, passion and loss in the heart of an alien land (a memoir of my time as a Muslimah and living in Iran for a year), written under my previous married name, Debra Kamza, and Dream Lover (a paranormal romance, the tale of witch that summons her favorite character out of a Bewitched spin-off and the actor who plays him as well). I'm constantly writing stories and poems, thoughts and dreams, and quite a few opinions - many of which are not popular but oh well. Bite me. I'm interested in art, animals, the paranormal, and people. I love to dance, all sorts, but have been studying belly dance since 2006 and LOVE it! I love anime too and love dressing up and going to conventions. My writing runs the gummut of historical, science fiction, fantasy, romance, and erotica. Beware: I may not be safe reading for work. Just saying....
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