Non-specific Alarm and Random Thoughts

1.  Once when my kids were still small, Jeb’s son even smaller, and Jeb still just living with me, I walked into the bedroom and saw Jeb’s gun lying on a towel on the bed where he’d left it meaning to clean it.  But he’d walked away to do something and forgotten about it.  Slips of mind like that can be deadly when there are kids playing around the house.  I was so instantly shocked and horrified at the possibilities that I about went ballistic.  I picked up the gun and went marching off to find Jeb.  When I found him, I cornered him against a wall and began yelling like psycho how if he EVER left his gun out again where the kids could get it, I was going to throw it in the fish pond and he’d be out on his ear.  I’d never forgive him if anything happened to the kids on account of that gun. 

I’m not normally someone who yells about anything, but I was so panic-stricken and defensive of my kids I almost couldn’t even think straight.  I was so upset it made me feel queasy and more than a little feverish and dizzy, mouth gone so dry I ended with a coughing fit.

Did I over-react?  Not sure.  But his gun was certainly never left out again.  I think he knew better without my yelling about it, but he’d gotten distracted and forgotten just that once.

What’s weird is that fact that years later and without the same overt reason I’m feeling echoes of that same panic in the pit of my stomach when I hear BevMo ads on the radio.  It’s only been in the last year or so that it’s been legal here for alcohol to be sold in regular stores as freely as in places like Washington DC and I guess it still feels wrong on that account.  But the cheery, we’re your best new neighbors, tone of the ads hits me just like nails on a blackboard.  They’re making it sound so social and wholesome to drink this mind altering, aura weakening, physically debilitating stuff… so cool.  Cool like the Marlborough man used to be.  Remember him?  Remember how non-smoking movie stars like Marilyn Monroe and Audry Hepburn used to smoke for the camera just for the sake of popularity with the masses?

The masses were asses.  Okay, maybe not… but why did their worst habits have to be catered to?  Why wasn’t it okay then to simply be an honest non-smoker and proud of it?  Or at least okay with it?

I think of how easier access to alcohol will end up meaning more people being killed by drunk drivers or worse.

And yes, I know I’m being unreasonable.  I know full well that people were their most irresponsible with alcohol when it was illegal, during the 1920s and 30s but I can’t help the way I feel. 

It’s damned disconcerting to get those feelings of blind panic every time I hear one of those ads.  I just hope I can start tuning them out pretty soon the way I do so many others.  The useless upset just isn’t worth it.

2. Dreamed of dressing up to going to a fancy dinner and dress ball with Jeb and our two sons.  His ex has used her son to extort money besides just child support out of Jeb for years and that’s finally over now that Stephen is of age and living with us.  But I must still be dwelling on the matter because at that dress ball, I overhear my son telling Jeb’s how he’s going to give half his paycheck to this woman to help her with expenses now that she’s on her own because she won’t let him and Stephen, best friends that they’ve always been, hang out together if he doesn’t.  I want to take him by the collar and tell him, “No!  She can’t do that!  Don’t let her feed you that BS!  Stephen can do what he likes.  She can and SHOULD take care of herself.  The world doesn’t owe her a living!  YOU do not owe her a living!”  LOL.

3.  Just musey this morning otherwise.  I keep thinking of life and death and the places in between.  After all the passions, loves, furies, worries, angst, and grand experiences of this life, what will they seem to me on the other side?  Oddly enough, I have a sense of memory about that… a memory that’s not really a memory I guess… A feeling that it will all feel like the vestiges of a dream over there; a vivid dream to be sure, but one that fades, that evaporates like dew in the full light of some other day.  Broken cobwebs.  Another life seen from a distance like the blurring words in a book of somebody else’s life when I’m reading in the small hours of the night.

Good morning.

About Ampbreia

I'm an ex-Pentacostal, ex-Muslim, ecclectic Agnostic with slightly Wiccan leanings. I am not affiliated with any organized religion or political platform, but I do believe in magic and all things wise and wonderful. I work as an admin in a calibration lab. I've published 2 books so far this year: Lost in Foreign Passions: Love and betrayal, passion and loss in the heart of an alien land (a memoir of my time as a Muslimah and living in Iran for a year), written under my previous married name, Debra Kamza, and Dream Lover (a paranormal romance, the tale of witch that summons her favorite character out of a Bewitched spin-off and the actor who plays him as well). I'm constantly writing stories and poems, thoughts and dreams, and quite a few opinions - many of which are not popular but oh well. Bite me. I'm interested in art, animals, the paranormal, and people. I love to dance, all sorts, but have been studying belly dance since 2006 and LOVE it! I love anime too and love dressing up and going to conventions. My writing runs the gummut of historical, science fiction, fantasy, romance, and erotica. Beware: I may not be safe reading for work. Just saying....
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10 Responses to Non-specific Alarm and Random Thoughts

  1. neegee says:

    I do not think you over reacted. 🙂 I would have been the same.


  2. LoveIn102 says:

    I seriously don’t think you overreacted, either. I’m not even okay with the idea of a gun being in the same house as small children. I don’t know if you saw the story in the news or not, but recently a man was shot and killed by accident by his 4 year old son. the gun was found by the little boy at a house him and his dad were visiting, and the gun had just been left out in the open for anyone to grab. gun owners can be extremely careless sometimes right in their own homes and it’s just absolutely sickening to me to hear about all these accidental shootings involving children. you already know my stance on the whole alcohol situation. all I can suggest is that you just try not to think much about it, otherwise it will simply drive you crazy.


    • I’m sorry if this offends you, but it’s comments like the one you just said that give gun owners a bad name. You say “Gun owners can be extremely careless sometimes right in their own homes. . . ” This to me says that you group all gun owners into a single, careless, category. You have two types of gun owners, the educated and the uneducated. The educated are usually those who grew up in a gun-owning household and wish to pass on the time-honored tradition of owning and shooting firearms by teaching safety from a young age. The uneducated are those that are generally new to the firearm community or that never really got the safety part down and don’t bother to start young when it comes to teaching safety around guns. The accidents that occur where the child gets hold of the gun usually (but not all the time) occur in an “uneducated” household. These terms, educated and uneducated, do not relate in any way to the contemporary meaning of of education. This means that there is no special class needed to learn the ways of gun safety. Though there are classes available that can teach you, most of it is learned throughout the years by those who have either passed it down or through trial-and-error.


      • ampbreia says:

        I don’t think it’s an over genralization to say “gun owner CAN be extremely careless….” It doesn’t mean they all are. No reason to take it that way. But there are certainly some gun owners that are careless and those are the ones that make the headlines when there’s an accidental shooting in their house: kids finding a weapon laying around and mistaking it for a toy or not even knowing what it is or dad shooting what he thinks is a burglar. Oops. It happens. What happens a lot is people getting shot by the very weapon that was purchased with an intention of protection. Trial and error with a gun usually results in a fatality so yes, there should be a required safety class as well as a mental evaluation for all would-be gun owners because another thing that happens is the ocassional (but far too often) unstable personality type getting their hands on a gun and going off on a shooting spree. Seems like a Psycho bug going around. No oopses of that kind allowed in my house. You can risk it in your own if you like though. Just be stable please… for the sake both of your family and your neighbors.


  3. ampbreia says:

    I saw the title of the article about the 4-year-old and was so upset by it I couldn’t face reading the article. Dumb, I know. But some days it seems like the only news is bad news… the sort that makes me want to pull my hair and scream or something equally useless. People can be so dangerously careless, it’s kind of maddening. You know? And my husband, in defense of guns, likes to say, that it’s not the guns that kill, but the people that use them and that if good people don’t have guns to protect themselves, you can bet the bad guys will have guns. Maybe so, but OMG look at the news for who’s getting shot and why…. GAH. Men.


  4. whyzat says:

    I would have freaked out about the gun, too! You can never be too careful with those things! Even though we don’t have kids around, I want ours unloaded and securely hidden or locked!
    I avoid the news, except for the headlines on CNN’s website. Too frustrating!


  5. Plenty here, but that gun thing grabbed my attention. It was not meant badly and was only thoughtless but you were right to make your point about it thoroughly. I read of tragic accidents with fire arms and my heart just breaks at the reading of them


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