I said “No”


Just a repost from 1-23-11 because it’s fun and still makes me laugh, years after the fact.  I’d originally posted it on Xanga, but Xanga is kind of kaput now.  Oh yes, they do give assurances of archiving our blogs for us, which they did, but then lie flat out to say they can easily be brought up in WordPress or Word Perfect.  No it’s not easy.  I had to strip tons of code from the text in order to make it readable again.  It’s very time consuming.  *SIGH* but at least its there.  It could be worse I suppose.  Anyway….

Old Charmed fan that I am, there are certain scenes that just stick in my mind… like when they’ve first met Cole Turner and don’t know he’s a demon yet. In court, unable to tell good guys from bad, Piper uses her freezing trick to freeze only the innocent… which turns out to be a mistake.  Aside from them, Darrell, Leo, and Cole are the only ones that freeze.

Like a Sharia court, it’s all pretty thoroughly corrupt to put it mildly. All but they few are demons or in the thrall of demons. Well, Cole is a demon too, but they don’t know that yet and he’s too high level to freeze. He just pretends to. He’s also not out to get the witches at the moment because they’ve inadvertently landed on the same side when the judge tried to have Cole assassinated in a bid for power and Phoebe, thinking him an innocent, manages to save him. So no; Cole’s vendetta is with the judge. But everything gets scary then all the same and the witches quickly realize they’re in trouble. Everyone else goes after the witches when Free Willy the Judge changes into his demon form and says, “Get them!”

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Seeing themselves under attack, the terrified witches run for it with demons and thralls at their heels while, unbeknownst to them, Cole has gone after the judge. He appears before him in an antechamber, straightens his tie, and urbanely states, “I’ll take it from here” …before tossing a ball of flame at the demon judge and burning him to ashes.

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The witches walk in just in time to see the last of the judge and realize someone is helping them…

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…but can’t imagine who, Cole meanwhile, having gone back to looking innocent…

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…while the girls continue the fight. Feeling distinctly outnumbered, they lock themselves in a room to regroup and decide what they’re going to do. Prue, being the eldest, makes a hasty plan of action and asks the others if they’re ready. Piper says, “No” as Prue begins the countdown and, “No, no, no…” when she realizes that Prue is not going to stop…

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Prue opens the door and all Hell breaks loose… literally.

And where was I going with this again? I get a little side tracked sometimes.

Oh yeah, the word “No.” Sometimes it means something… like “DON’T” for example, and you should pay attention when you hear the word directed at you.

Long ago, when I was a young divorcee sheltering with my small children in my mother’s house until I could get a place of my own, I was dating a guy named Steve that I liked but was not in love with. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to give it a chance. It just wasn’t happening…

One evening at my mother’s house, Steve made the comment that he needed to get his hair cut and then foolishly decided that I could do it for him.

“No,” I told him, not even giving it a second thought. “Why not?” he asked.

“I’m no good at cutting hair.”

Only a few months prior to this, I’d cut my little boy Andy’s hair and it was so bad that when my mother came home from work and saw it, she immediately asked him if he’d cut his own hair.

“No. Mommy did it,” he informed her, but she didn’t believe it and laughed about it with me later on. I let her believe what she wanted to I was so embarrassed about it. My mom has always done an excellent job of cutting hair. She never had beauty school training, but she’s always had a knack for it. Who was I to break her heart by letting her know her talents had skipped a generation?

Steve gave me a disbelieving look and said, “What do you mean you’re no good at cutting hair? You’re a woman aren’t you? All women can cut hair. You’re born with the talent.”

“I must not be much of a women then,” I told him. “I don’t have that talent.”

“Of course you do.”

“No I don’t.”

As I said, I liked the guy. I didn’t want to ruin his hair the way I’d ruined my poor little boy’s hair that time… back when Steve hadn’t been around yet to see it.

“Sure you do. Cut my hair woman!”

“No… No… NO,” I protested, thinking I was being pretty clear as to my answer.

Ignoring that, he dragged a chair into the kitchen, seated himself, and asked my highly amused but tactfully silent and straight faced mother to get him a cloth to put around his neck which she did and he thanked her for.

“You’re welcome” she told him then got out her barber kit for me to use.

I wondered then as I wonder now: Did she really not know it had been I that cut Andy’s hair that time?

“I do NOT know how to cut hair,” I told him one last time.

“Oh, I don’t want to hear it,” he said. “You just be a good girl and cut my hair for me.”

Gee… is it any wonder I didn’t fall in love with him? Some guys are just too pushy for their own good.

“Okay fine,” I relented, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” he assured me… or meant to anyway. So I proceeded to do my best on him.

Poor fool. He should have taken my “no” when he had the chance. He should have taken me at my word when I told him I was no good at cutting hair.

My mother, who had been watching with barely concealed mirth was obviously close to bubbling over with it as she quietly watched me work from a vantage point behind Steve’s head. When I finished, she quietly walked around him, inspecting him with a very straight face and all the appropriate nods before hurrying off down the hall to get a hand a hand mirror for him.

We both heard the choking sounds down the hall.

“Is she laughing about something?” Steve asked, looking suddenly tense.

I shrugged, careful to keep a clueless innocent expression on my face. “Probably just coughing. She does that.”

“Oh. Okay,” he said, relaxing at once.

That lasted until my mother finally composed herself enough to come out with the mirror, newly wiped mascara, and again the very straight face.

“Told you so,” I told him as we watched the blood drain out of his face.

Mom covered her mouth and hastily left the kitchen to… uh… have another coughing fit. Yeah. That’s what it was.

Listen guys, no means NO and I mean it. Ignore that at your peril.

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About Ampbreia

I'm an ex-Pentacostal, ex-Muslim, ecclectic Agnostic with slightly Wiccan leanings. I am not affiliated with any organized religion or political platform, but I do believe in magic and all things wise and wonderful. I work as an admin in a calibration lab. I've published 2 books so far this year: Lost in Foreign Passions: Love and betrayal, passion and loss in the heart of an alien land (a memoir of my time as a Muslimah and living in Iran for a year), written under my previous married name, Debra Kamza, and Dream Lover (a paranormal romance, the tale of witch that summons her favorite character out of a Bewitched spin-off and the actor who plays him as well). I'm constantly writing stories and poems, thoughts and dreams, and quite a few opinions - many of which are not popular but oh well. Bite me. I'm interested in art, animals, the paranormal, and people. I love to dance, all sorts, but have been studying belly dance since 2006 and LOVE it! I love anime too and love dressing up and going to conventions. My writing runs the gummut of historical, science fiction, fantasy, romance, and erotica. Beware: I may not be safe reading for work. Just saying....
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5 Responses to I said “No”

  1. Wait, we can make our archives be wordpressy??!?!?!!!?!?!?!!? WHAT?!!?!?!?!

    Also, don’t feel bad. There are six of us (including a kinky haired black boy) and our Mother has ALWAYS done our hair and done it very well…and that definitely skipped me. She does her own too! Also without training. The youngest daughter has the same talent (she’s getting her license cuz she loves it), but the middle daughter and I? just. no.

    Like

  2. If xanga hadn’t told it’s users that it was closing, we’d probably still be using it.

    Like

    • ampbreia says:

      I don’t think so. The ones I know that paid the price are finding the new format really difficult to use. I used to blog at MySpace before Xanga and they went through the same metamorphosis back in 2006. It was NOT pretty. It became so difficult to use after that I stopped bothering. A lot of people did.

      Like

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