Why female “Reverts” Leave Islam

Ha.  Maybe first I should explain what I mean by “Reverts.”  Anyone whose never been Muslim would just call them converts to Islam.  The reason Muslims call them “Reverts” is out of the belief that everyone is born Muslim quite naturally and either raised that way if they have the “right” parents or are “converted” to some other religion if the have the “wrong” ones. 

I don’t share this belief and never did even when I was Muslim. I just find it amusing because Islam never felt natural to me.  It always felt like something you have to work hard at getting right CONSTANTLY and still find oneself continually making “mistakes” in interpretation or conduct because it does NOT come naturally.

S’okay.  Enough explaining. 

I saw this article about “revert” women leaving Islam. 

In it, there’s a letter from a lonely revert saying how alone she feels since converting to Islam and is desperately looking for a way not to feel alone. The one who is posting her letter is very sympathetic, explaining how reverts are often rejected by their non-Muslim family members and sidelined, ignored, and/or emotionally abandoned by their new Muslim friends/family who invariably suggest arranged marriage to a Muslim male to fix what ails her and how it tends not to work out very well.  All of which generally contributes to the revert eventually falling out of Islam.

All of this is true in a very tip-of-the-iceberg kind of way.

Your non-Muslim family does tend to reject you or you are in some other way divided from them by your new Muslim acquaintances, family, or spouse.  But it’s part of the “reversion” process!  I’m not the only once-revert this has happened to.  In fact, it happens to most of us.  Even if our family doesn’t reject us, we are discouraged from continuing to socialize with them at first and eventually downright forbidden.  This is the same tactic that many a cult uses to keep its converts.  They cut you off from your old support systems so they can fully dictate your new ones, thereby controlling YOU.

I don’t think Muslims deliberately abandon their “reverts” in any way so much as simply consider their part in the conversion over. 

The revert has the Koran and has been duly advise to seek out hadith or religious teacher counsel if they need any kind of help at all.  And I mean ANY.  Every facet of daily life is dictated in Islam.  There is no free thought or decision making anymore.  There’s even instructions on how to go potty, what hand to wipe with, what to eat with, what you can eat, what you can wear, how you should enter and leave a room, proper etiquette in all circumstances, what is and isn’t forbidden, ect.  There are even “new” laws of nature that only sound scientific if you know nothing about real science.  Sperm comes from the base of a man’s spine, for instance, and the mountains are anchors that keep the earth firm in place.

As to marriage being the fix for the lonely revert, it doesn’t work for one very important reason: to a freeborn woman, a Muslim man is the worst possible husband imaginable: controlling, temperamental, abusive, oppressive, jealous in the extreme (as in no possible competition ever better talk to his wife or even look at her – but it would be all her fault if he did), mama-spoiled beyond redemption, and psychotic enough to kill her fairly easily.  Once married to him, she will never be allowed again to leave the house, drive, hold a job, get an education, have guests, or dress the way she likes without his explicit permission.  He’s allowed to beat or even kill her if he even thinks she’s thinking of rebelling.  He considers himself her absolute ruler.  He can marry up to 4 wives and have however many concubines(sex slaves) he likes, but she is stuck with only him.  Her voice is worth only half of his in court.  He has the sole discretion over whether or not she can divorce him and he WILL take the kids in that event and allow her no access to them in most cases.  Also, his mother’s vote on how to raise the kids or anything will invariably outweigh his wife’s/wives.  Most, oddly enough, are mama’s boys in the extreme.

Gee, I wonder why those marriages never work with freeborn women?

All that said, loneliness or marital dissatisfaction are far from being the only reasons that revert women – or anyone – leaves Islam.  No, the more important reason is that Islam stops making sense once you’re off the spoon feeding and are studying it on your own.  It’s entire history is violent, intolerant, and hateful to everyone including her non-Muslim relatives and extremely oppressive to women.  It takes the whole god concept and turns it into a being of such mind-boggling wrath that it makes the old fashioned church concept of demons look utterly tame and sweet.

YES, we understood exactly what were leaving when we left Islam.  We knew that beast all too well and, having been brought up, pre-reversion, to think for ourselves, we couldn’t not see it for what it was.  Ha.  Especially not with the headlines fundamentalists are always making for Islam.  I mean, who in their right mind could possibly love the religion that condones hatred, terrorism, slavery, kidnapping, oppression, inequality between people, torture, maiming, and repression?  And the hijab?  Well that’s the least of it, but is as annoying as hell.  It gets OLD after a while.  Okay?


About Ampbreia

I'm an ex-Pentacostal, ex-Muslim, ecclectic Agnostic with slightly Wiccan leanings. I am not affiliated with any organized religion or political platform, but I do believe in magic and all things wise and wonderful. I work as an admin in a calibration lab. I've published 2 books so far this year: Lost in Foreign Passions: Love and betrayal, passion and loss in the heart of an alien land (a memoir of my time as a Muslimah and living in Iran for a year), written under my previous married name, Debra Kamza, and Dream Lover (a paranormal romance, the tale of witch that summons her favorite character out of a Bewitched spin-off and the actor who plays him as well). I'm constantly writing stories and poems, thoughts and dreams, and quite a few opinions - many of which are not popular but oh well. Bite me. I'm interested in art, animals, the paranormal, and people. I love to dance, all sorts, but have been studying belly dance since 2006 and LOVE it! I love anime too and love dressing up and going to conventions. My writing runs the gummut of historical, science fiction, fantasy, romance, and erotica. Beware: I may not be safe reading for work. Just saying....
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17 Responses to Why female “Reverts” Leave Islam

  1. I’ve only known of one person who left the Baha’i Faith and reverted to Islam. She went insane, three months later, and died in an asylum. There is something about people who know the truth, pretend they don’t, and find it is untenable for them to live in any coherent fashion. Those who shuck it all, and go back to our Wiccan, or “pagan” roots, are at least not pretending to be someone they no longer are. All other “reversions” are psychological suicide.


    • Ampbreia says:

      When I was in Teheran and allowed to socialize with several English speaking women from Britain, I asked them if they’d met other American women there as well – besides just me. There was a long awkward silence and then they told me… they’d met quite a few who were no longer around. I asked where they’d gone. They told me that some had escaped into the desert and not been heard from again; some had committed suicide; and the remained had been committed to insane assylums. They, themselves, were well adapted. Not sure why. The things I found so cloying, disturbing, and intolerable here they seemed not to notice at all. Yet the American women all had a big problem. For me, it was pure Hell.


  2. drsalmanbutt says:

    It’s one thing to be free. And totally another to be profoundly, intellectually subjugated with the illusion of freedom and freedom of thought. Islam was revealed to release and liberate human beings from the enslavement and worship of other human beings, to the expanse of servitude to The One and Only. I humbly suggest that you ponder over the strengths of the inferences you draw from the facts you state and accept – unfortunately you seem to have taken an age old bait.


    • Ampbreia says:

      You mean like in that story about Allah putting beautiful and pleasant things along the path to Hell and ugly difficult things along the path to Paradise? I don’t believe that one. I don’t believe that our creator would be so saddistic as that. And Islam is enslavement, pure and simple. It puts minds and souls on hold and forbids their further advancement. Or tries to. Even if it weren’t so thick with micromanaging rules and general oppressiveness, it would still be unattractive to me because of all the cruel and inhuman things done in the name of Allah/Islam: the intolerance of those who can NOT believe it because it makes no sense to us, the terrorism, the maiming, torture, forced conversions, “honor” killing, the incredibly horrid and oppressive treatment of women, the pedophilia encouraged, slavery, the genocides, the support of Nazism in WWII, the hatred against all and sundry but especially jews…. And all of this horror is well supported in the Koran and haddith. Don’t try taquiya in telling me it’s not. I’ve read them. Even if I hadn’t, a religion is what it DOES much more than what it SAYS it is. And Islam does a lot of evil in this world. I’m very happy to be free of it and wish you could be too. You don’t know what a terrible burden you’re living under. I’m sad for you. All Islam “frees” you for is pitiful subjugation.


      • drsalmanbutt says:

        You mean [enter irrelevant tangent based on a false presumption]? Well, actually [proceed to expound upon the straw man long enough to refute it just before fingers get tired of typing].

        Another page from the playbook. I didn’t know yet whether you’re simply deluded or actually playing the game. Statistically though, with such a textbook response the odd’s aren’t looking good…


    • Ampbreia says:

      Islam is subjugation. Been there, done that. And now I’m horrified to see how much worse Islam is than I even thought of back when I left it over 30 years ago. Hamas, Hizbollah, Boka Haram, ISIS… they represent pure Islam. They can quote the Sura, ayat, fatwa, and hadiths they base their inhumane acts on. Not all Muslims act like them, of course, but not all of them live under Sharia and some are, after all, more human than they are Muslim. But if you practice Islam to the letter, you end up being a monster and that’s just a cold hard fact. I’m not blind. I can see this clearly. You can have your enslavement by the evil being you call Allah. I don’t want it, thank you very much. But I know what you’re saying: you’re saying that freedom is slavery and slavery is freedom. Yeah. Pass.


  3. This was very interesting for me to read. I learned a lot. I’ve been rereading a few “old” books by Jean Sasson.

    Oh…this quote spoke to me recently:
    “With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.” Steven Weinberg

    HUGS!!! 🙂


  4. nciteful says:

    ” a religion is what it DOES much more than what it SAYS it is.”

    Right on!!


  5. Ampbreia says:

    What do you mean, drsalmanbutt? Could you state that more plainly?


  6. Wanjiku Njenga says:

    I wonder who is paying you to write this. Or maybe, whats your motive? I’m a free thinking graduate from my country’s 2nd best public university with a degree in Graphics, Media Communication and Advertising. With such, I can see through this post right into your heart and head as you were writing this. A mixture of anger and malice facilitated the writing of this article. Who are you angry at? God , society or yourself? I’m a revert/ convert, whatever you want to call me. I have been for four years. People told me to cut ties with family but I had to think ten times. They have never been in my situation. What do they know about it?
    Cutting ties with family is prohibited in Islam. The Prophet SAW lived with his grandfather and tgen his uncle who died a non Muslim. You don’t just follow people. Who do reverts listen to? Allah or some deluded muslim? I encourage people to read The Qur’an, The life of The Prophet SAW, hadith i.e Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim. PERIOD.
    Then have trust in Allah and stay happy. Thats all.


    • Ampbreia says:

      You’re funny Wanjiku. I WISH someone would pay me for my opinions. That would be really posh. But the truth is, I’ll give them for free anyway. You’re welcome.

      Motive: telling the plain unvarnished truth about something too many people lie about in the interests of rampant PeeCeeism. I’m not the PeeCee sort. I see Islam as a threat to society as well as to individuals and I’d be very remiss not to sound the alarm about it.

      For the record, I am not mad at god or society. I don’t believe Allah is god, but more of an evil energy. Perhaps he’s a part of the Source of all Creation, but not a part I can really embrace. As for society… I can’t think of any reason to be mad at it. I might if I think on it awhile, but nothing really comes to mind. Society’s not perfect and neither am I so I’m in no mood to complain about it. I am a little mad at myself for falling for Islam before I knew enough about it, for letting my (then) Iranian husband badgering me into it, for being naive enough to trust him and think that Islam was just another harmless religion. It’s not harmless. I went though hell for it and lost my first born son to it.

      But my personal drama then is only a small part of my attitude toward Islam now. It was just the start and not a strong one at that. I was still making excuses for it back then.

      No. Even after I left Islam, I had an attitude of it’s not for me but okay for others. No biggie. But that has changed drastically over the years. I’ve seen too many mullahs that preach nothing but hate for non-Muslims, especially Jews and Americans. I’ve seen too much grotesquely obvious misogyny and double standards from Muslim men. I’ve seen daily terrorist attacks by Muslims, mass murdering others all over the globe. And the protest marches! Burning our flag! Muslim immigrants and “reverts” demanding to have Sharia in our countries, demanding our silence in the face of their atrocities, demanding special treatment, being insulted over every little thing that is us, being general service pains in the butt.

      As to who reverts listen to, they listen to those who converted them. They listened to mullahs and Muslim friends as well. They read the Koran and hadith and Nahjolbalaghe.

      Apostates, on the other hand, listen to the same people only from the outside looking in now, and they judge more by actions than words anymore.

      I am curious how you were “reverted.” Who reverted you? How did they? Have you ever been married to a Muslim or lived under Sharia law? Did you cut ties with your family? Or were they cut for you?

      Not sure your point in mentioning your educational level. Good for you? In many Muslim countries, the really strict ones, women aren’t allowed to be educated. The men find it threatening or something. Girls schools get bombed. Little school girls get shot at. This by Muslim extremists of course.

      As for me, I have of BA in Social Psychology and have been through numerous technical schools as well. Big whoop. My opinion is my own regardless.


  7. Sachal Smith says:

    If you understand something of Wicca, then you have all the more reasons to stay in Islam. Check this out, sachalsmith777.blogspot.com


    • Ampbreia says:

      I like Wicca because it’s not controlling, it’s earth conscious, and it recognizes the place of magic in everyday life. That said, I don’t practice it so I don’t know it very well beyond those three little things. I’m a natural witch, but it’s not a religion for me. If I wanted religion, I would probably choose Wicca in that it’s it’s female empowering and accepting of witch craft whereas all of the Abrahamic religions – especially Islam – is exactly the opposite.

      I left Islam nearly 30 years ago and I will NEVER go back to it. It’s too controlling, misogynist, hateful, devisive, cruel, and basically all of the things I think of as plain evil. Islam is far more evil than even Satanism. I want nothing more than to see it erased from the world. It has destroyed way too many lives to tolerate any longer.

      I saw the general theme of your blogs though: magic in Islam. Christianity practices some too… which Christians tend to deny. Both religions have a history of killing people who practice magic unless they are prophets or saints.

      There was a witch on death row recently who was accused of making men’s wangers disappear after the men had hassassled her. Middle Eastern Muslim men have a bad reputation when it comes to how they treat women so I don’t blame the witch one bit for that spell. It was just an illusion spell apparently, because when the men went to their doctors to prove their case against her, their wangers were found safe and sound and the case had to be dropped. I did a similar spell only of attacking hornets on my ex husband after he’d abused me. No one else could see or feel the hornets; just him. I didn’t want to hurt him; just make him back off. I kept it up for a month and it worked. He was a bit of a basket case, but he stopped being abusive toward me for a while.

      More recently still, ISIS decapitated a street magician because they thought his magic was real even though it was more likely sleight of hand.

      Back when I was a Christian teen, my own Sunday school teacher used to preach “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” very pointedly at me just because I was very psychic then. Bah. The workings of that man’s mind!

      Anyway, I’m just saying that sure there is magic in nearly all religious practices, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe to come out as a witch in your Abrahamic religion. Other religions allow for witchcraft, but those do not.


  8. Sachal Smith says:

    The empowerment of an individual is rather a complex situation when dealt within the social context. Take for instance, in a team game such as cricket or football, if one player performs extraordinary well then the whole team wins, but what about the majority of individual players who got the undue credit, whilst it is possible that the players of the other team had on average better performances. Therefore, one has to always belief in the principle fact that only an individual wins, and teams no matter how they perform or win the matches are bound to be losers nonetheless. Now with regards to Islam, every person has to answer God individually for his deeds, which basically means individual responsibility and empowerment.

    We have to remember one another thing when discussing anything about Islam, that it is a mystery religion. Now, what do I mean by a mystery religion? Mystery religion simply means that there will always be more questions than answers, and that human curiosity is the prime religious behaviour on the part of human beings. The mind is responsible for curiosity, and the spirit is responsible for the mind. So the questions arise in human minds primarily because of the spiritual thirst that instigates it, and which the mind furthers it, and then the body reflects it. Whilst science never believes in mysteries because, what science represents is conviction, not curiosity. Therefore, a scientist would never believe in God, since God is surrounded by the unknown factors from all sides, and because he never wants to justify the existence of a perpetual mystery. Science is objective, belief in God is subjective, and God himself is a mystery. For instance, idol worship is similar to science, because it is the worship of an object, while Islam means the acceptance of mystery factor or the openness to all possibilities. Science always wants to reduce the number of possibilities by acquiring the definite understanding, surety, and conformity; whilst religion is the madness of looking into mysteries and delving into the unknown. Just like prophet Abraham’s story of breaking the idols in the Quran, and also the arguments with his people who used to worship the Sun, Moon, and the stars were primarily based on the difference between the objective state of mind, and the mystery state of mind. The objective state of mind is limited to objects, whilst the mystery state of mind is always open to the greater, and all possibilities. Therefore, the feminism thing is actually the idol worshipping societies trying to expose women in order to curtail the mystery factor, whilst in Islam the women cloths have mystical and psychological significance, and there are no true religions without mysteries. I say the true religions because the original and the true form of paganism had been also monotheistic, not polytheistic. Monotheistic simply means the there is only one principle truth that is responsible for the existence of all. The cover particularly of women, helps people to believe in mysteries, and therefore is an integral part of Islam. I mean to say that by covering women, the Muslims actually embellish the religion of Islam as a mystery; and that is a fair price to pay for it.

    Islam demands conformity because it is the religion of the right hand path. Most of the feminine superiority cults are essentially the left hand path philosophies that prefer natural animal instincts over spiritual empowerment. You can think of it as the right hand is meant for conscious actions, whilst left hand is the reflex actions. For instance, while typing this letter my subject of discussion represents the right hand, and the putting down of concepts through words in a keyboard is the reflex action representing the left hand. Similarly, the Quran states that God had created human beings from both His hands (Spirit and Matter), but He created the Angels form only the right hand (Spirit) and animals from only the left hand (Matter). The right and left hand of God is metaphorical to the conscious and unconscious behaviours of human beings. This represents the fundamental hermetic teaching that Man is an intermediary between God and his creatures, and as such can bring the creatures to the level of God, or bring down God to the level of His creatures. The right hand is the controlling hand responsible for righteous actions, whilst left hand should be kept under the control of the right hand only for supportive purposes. Hope this concept helps to clarify the hermetic philosophy in regards to conformity in the religious ideals.



  9. Qui Creva says:

    Thanks for telling the unvarnished truth here. I have met sooo many western converts to Islam who later became apostates, and it is always the same story: Once you turn away from the apologists and start studying the “religion” on your own, it simply makes no sense. Islam is grotesquely sexist. It is also highly intolerant of and hateful towards non-Muslims. It advocates violence and deceit to achieve its aims of world domination. The Qur’an is badly written, not to mention full of mistakes in history, grammar, science and simple logic. The official early “history” of Islam is pure fabrication. We are not even sure that Muhammad ever existed, while all of the hard evidence suggests that the first three centuries of this religion were NOTHING like what is outlined in Muslim official sources. Then there is the matter of capital punishment for apostasy – this is the policy of brainwashing cults, not healthy religions. Healthy religions hang on to their membership by providing opportunities for spiritual growth, not by dictating how to perform every mundane act of life right up to defecation.

    As for Muslim husbands; it is probably kinder to say nothing. They ARE usually spoiled mama’s boys, also childish, ill-tempered, controlling, abusive and arrogant. Kind of like Muhammad, the so called “perfect man”… Coincidence? I don’t think so.

    Can’t say that I think much of your inclination towards Wicca, but to each his/her own. So long as you don’t choose a death cult like Islam, your basic humanity will remain intact.

    FYI, I find the Muslim responses to your post to be utterly laughable. Always the same old garbage: YOU HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD ISLAM! Listen to an imam, read the Qur’an, study the sira and hadith collections, only then will you know the truth. Looks as though you have done all of that and HAVE discovered the truth. The TRUTH is that Islam is a big and repulsive lie.


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